Poetry etc.

Missing you

I am lost
I’m afraid
I thought I was done, though my debts had all been paid
I’m alone
Near the end
I am trying not to make too much noise, trying hard not to offend
Where have you gone? I am missing you. I am missing you.
Where have you gone? I am missing you.

Day 1 - I am missing you. Just barely, because you are barely gone. Could come home. Any moment now...
Day 2 – It’s true. You are not here. But maybe nearby. I’ll hold my breath.
Day 3 – Do you miss me? Are you waiting for me to come to you?
Day 11 – Now it’s hushed voices and whispered talk about your choices.
Day 26 – It’s a mix of waiting for you and doing what I normally do.
Day 42 – This is life without you. This is life without you.
Day 116 – I found your shirt in the laundry. I folded it and put it away.
Day after day I find a way to remember you. This was your favorite song and favorite cookie. I moved the chair you always sat in to the other side of the room. In town I thought I heard your laugh, but it was just the wind I guess. I am a mess without you. When I talk about you people nod their heads and touch my hand. I can’t stand to stay you’re gone.
Day 261 – It’s your birthday. I have fun imagining ways to surprise you. I realize you won’t be here. But still…
Day 408 – It’s a little late to be rehashing our last conversation, but I thought of a better comeback. It’s your turn. Just come back.
Day 1179 – I had to stop holding my breath. You were mine in life and death, but I need air. I had to learn to breathe again without you.
Day 2003, Day 2228, Day 4192…

I will always miss you.

Locked Box

This was the deepest artifact, box bruised and bound by locks and rope so thick we could barely cut through it. Inside we found a poem.
JUST LIKE THIS ONE
Those are the artifacts.
Those are the remnants of a bigger dream and a better god
BUT THEY ARE SO SMALL

Can we take these pieces of hope and build them into something?
Something great
Something I can wrap my hands around
We gathered here together
But we never let ourselves touch
Never felt the skin and pain and heart of our neighbors and teachers and children
We understood that we weren’t safe
But never understood why
Because we haven’t yet learned
we are forced to repeat the year.
And every year that we take the class,
AND FAIL

We lose another brother or sister,
another child in this wild world
and it should be understood by now that any life lost is a loss to all of us.
But it isn’t.

We, the people, learned that some among us are bad, lesser than the rest. And try as we might we can’t get rid of them all.
Instead, we build bigger jails to house our demons.
We smile and wave, but refuse to save the world as it drowns.
And if it comes down to me or you,
We both know what we have to do.
We have to choose or we both lose, that is the only way.
But it isn’t.

There are other ways,
There are better days out there
Waiting for us to choose them.
We are afraid of people crashing into us.
We are waiting for directions.
We are waiting to be told how to be good.

I am waiting with you.

unsatiable

She isn't hungry
Not like I am
She isn't brutal or impatient or dark
She isn't anything at all like me
Her hands only touch books
While mine hold back walls of fire
She likes the animals
Calls them by their names
Gets invited to their homes
She walks calmly
For hours
In no hurry at all
She seems to like the feeling of seconds ticking by
Each one making her brain tingle
With questions and
The endless need to write
I ask her about her research,
And her sister,
And her body
She answers me one word at a time
Without hesitation
She let me touch her once
With my warm hands, full of flames
She let me satiate my hunger
With the taste of her
We recalibrated over breakfast
And awkward goodbyes
We talk about the strength of the yen
It seems normal
But I am hungry again
And she is always far away